UPDATE: Thank you so much everyone for the DMs and texts. I can't talk right now. I’m OK, it’s not new. I’m still having trouble pulling myself together so I think I just want to be with my tears and let the heartache move through me. I love and appreciate you
I was just on a Zoom call created to hold space for black people to support one another. There were 400+ on the call I think.
We were Zoom bombed by someone screaming over loud music “kill all ni**ers, George Floyd had it coming…” We couldn’t figure out how to stop him so we had to end the call.
I cried, I’m shaken. And the reason I’m sharing this is because those who are committed to white supremacy will likely become even more desperate as we move toward the light.
And take really good care of yourselves - mind, body, spirit.
Someone in my family just sent a message and said…not explicitly but the message was received nonetheless…that I should be cautious about what I post publicly because I may lose some audience for my coaching services, especially now since that is my only source of income since I left corporate in Jan.
All absolutely expressed from a place of love and concern.
But the sacrifice and psychic burden are too great when I play that game.
I will attract the exact people who value who I am and what I offer as a coach.
I AM my brand. There's no separation between me and my business, only alignment.
And who I am will resonate with some and it won’t with others.
As it should be.
I also have black (and non-black) friends who are choosing not to speak out publicly right now for that reason, for fear of losing livelihood and earning ability, and I have tremendous compassion and understanding for that as well. I appreciate that folks have different financial situations and access to resources.
I've decided my integrity is inviolate…and I have to make that choice, over and over, every day. Sometimes it's not easy.
I trust that the rest will work itself out as long as I move in Love.
It’s hard right now. My heart is sore and my body is tired. Stay safe, healthy and in loving community my friends.
I was on a call tonight where several white women were commenting on how they were afraid of offending black people or saying the wrong thing, and that it can be so uncomfortable to speak up, to pull up.
Your discomfort is what is required though. It took folks being uncomfortable for me to have my basic rights protected so that I can simply BE as a black queer woman. And there's still such a long way to go.
So my initial feelings were disappointment, frustration, sadness, self-righteousness. There was some compassion but honestly not much in that moment.
I kept listening, suspending my judgment for a bit b/c it felt reactionary…
As I listened, I remembered that white people who want to dismantle racism/white supremacy don’t have the embodied, lived experience of being black in this country. Some may not have any intimate relationships with black people for varied reasons.
Black people have been having these conversations already, navigating this reality for a loooong time to varying degrees.
But for many, this level of acknowledgment and personal inquiry is new and intimidating. It requires humility and courage and a deep commitment to Love, peace and justice.
What I heard on the call is that some were ready to be uncomfortable, are doing the work, and are not collapsing around fragility.
I heard good intentions and sincere hearts.
We ALL need compassion. This ain’t easy, and we’ve all been swimming in these waters.
There are also those forces committed to greed, hatred and delusion, profiting from it. There’s that.
As we each do our personal, collective, and systemic work let’s allow each other to make mistakes, learn and then, with sincere intention, do better. I’ve been learning something new every day this week - about my own internalized biases, about the history of the movement, about the history of this country…
I’ll do my imperfect best. That’s what I ask from you.
“Everything moves at the speed of relationships.” - Alicia Garza (https://aliciagarza.com/)
I was on a business call this morning and initially I was feeling so distracted, judgmental, disconnected...
My nervous system has been fired up.
Then as the meeting went on, I turned my camera off, did some deep breathing, and began watching all that negative mental chatter. Whew!
I eventually found some space around the thoughts and slowly began to soften.
It got me thinking...
I refuse to give my power away to darkness. And I invite you to do the same.
I’ve been giving these negative energies (eg. lost souls like trump) the power over how I feel, the power to set the tone of my day, the power over my capacity to show up from Love...really??
I’m being whipped around emotionally by what the media is serving up, comments by people I don’t even know, the collective fear, the desperate attempt by some to maintain the mindset and systems built on white privilege.
I’m taking my power back.
I’m choosing to be happy, even thrive, even in the midst of these circumstances.
I will feel ALL of my feelings...the anger, the heartache, the despair...and hold them with reverence, curiosity and tenderness as they move through me.
I will continue to do my work in the world, with a clear intention to connect, love, hold space, offer support, and advocate for systems and policies that reduce suffering and support Life.
I will prioritize my wellbeing by resting, meditating, journaling, music, loving, listening to media that inspires me and reminds me of the truth.
I will not feel guilty for my joy.
I will cultivate it...unapologetically.
And I will serve from that space as best I can.
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
- Audre Lorde
Why L2YL Coaching
Living and working in alignment with my deepest values and intentions is my daily practice; helping women and the organizations that employ them THRIVE by offering a proven mindset management model to embody values and achieve transformational goals is my life's work.